I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
