i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
