It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
soo... how was my night?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
