My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
