I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
