all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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