Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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