i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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