so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
