paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize