You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
