if you like me you must not know who I am
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Randomize
