Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize