I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
