Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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