ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
In America we eat man semen.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
