Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
There r osticjed everywhere
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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