she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
