my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
