she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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