Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
