if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Actions speak louder than pants.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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