I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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