well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
