Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
ugly people sure do ruin things
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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