I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
