My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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