its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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