Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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