I wanna bring you to show and tell
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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