drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Even my vagina gasped.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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