1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
it's not cheating when I paid for it
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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