don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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