piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
