we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Drake has all the answers
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Do you have feelings for this penis?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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