a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
