His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
everyone is single if you try hard enough
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
