OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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