You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
