Porn is love you can see.
I just pynch a tree in the face
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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