3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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