Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
