Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
