omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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