i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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