I don't usually arrange sex via text message
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize