My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
