its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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