i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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