I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
