I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
