Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
