I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
