I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize