found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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