Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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