Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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