I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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