to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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