This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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