if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
