we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
