I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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