You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
