You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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