Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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