You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
