My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
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