Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
