we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
