I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
