I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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