i just sent this text using only my big toe
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
