Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
