thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
