Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
