Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
