ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize